Sunflower Diaries

Life through a Lens

9th June 2025

Canva Credited for Design

Inspiration for this blog piece is from the amazing music artist Robbie Williams.

Robbie Williams was my favourite artist from Take That (sorry girls). I was inspired by his bravery to leave the band and make it on his own. He struggled with his young fame and had some issues with depression and addiction.

He is now one of the most successful and celebrated musicians of all time. Recently playing in Scotland which reminded me of his greatness and talent. Last week he was at Murrayfield, Edinburgh.

This blog piece focuses on life through a lens – our need to perform, analyse data and be analysed. We all hope to be objective (especially as scientists) but are very much influenced by our views, cultural and religious beliefs, and social values. Sometimes we need to take a step back and look at the facts.

Performance.

Performance – theatre, dance and singing:

I lived for the camera when I was little. Enjoyed being filmed and performing. I went through a period of hating being filmed or photographed (probably because of pressure to wear tutus, glitter and makeup). I was also allergic to face paint (sensitive skin) so I had to wear real makeup. Never great at a children’s party when you miss out on face painting.

Buns and hairspray…

I can still taste the hairspray in my mouth. Yuk. I quite liked wearing a bun with a pretty bow. I let our daughter wear her hair up or down – any style she likes. To be frank, she is not in a dance class yet but I prefer her to have independence in how she dresses and looks. I will let her stay away from hairspray as long as she can avoid using it…

Tutus and tiaras…and sequins

Every young girl loves tutus, tiaras and sequins. Being a dancer makes you dress and feel like a princess (or sometimes look like an extra in Swan Lake/ Nutcracker suite). I remember my mother spending hours sewing sequins on to purple, pink and yellow tutus. Not sure why yellow? She was a dedicated dance mum who always wanted to make my costumes look perfect.

One costume that I remember fondly is a pink bunny. It was for a tap dance (early memory as I must have been about 3), but I loved this costume so much and wore it so much after the dance show.

I could see my own daughter doing this. In fact we had this issue with last year’s Halloween costume (fluffy monster – tutu). She insisted on wearing it to the park, supermarket, nursery… you get the idea. It was cute. The saying – the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree comes to mind.

Dance school and pressures of exams

Weekly dance classes:

From age 2, I attended weekly dance classes. I remember these vividly. I attended morning sessions and made some good friends (at the time). I learned three styles of dance – tap, ballet and jazz.

Tap/ Ballet and Jazz:

Practiced tap where I could. I loved it. Who wouldn’t it has a very distinctive sound and looks awesome – watch old musical theatre and you will see what I mean. Judy Garland fan anyone?

Ballet dancing was fun. It put a lot of pressure on my ankles though. I loved twirling and again what little girl did not enjoy this. It was not my favourite dance style to learn. I do love watching professional ballet now as an adult.

Jazz was great fun and I guess a junior version of swing dancing. Very much inspired by 40s and 50s rock and roll era. I remember dancing to “Shake Rattle and Roll” and “Lollypop Lollypop”…

Later in primary I moved away (parents split up) to a different school/ place, and hung my dancing shoes up. I decided I needed a break from the intensity of dancing I had done. I was, however, encouraged to join the school dancing group with Scottish Country Dancing (keep up skills and fitness). I did this for a while during late primary school (doing a couple of local competitions/ shows) and then decided to leave it to social dancing. I did not like my dancing teacher. I felt like I needed a break / change my focus to singing.

Singing competitions:

At school, in Scotland, we had to celebrate “Burns Day” with reciting poetry, dancing and singing. As part of this I was entered into the Burns Singing Competition and won. I was surprised and delighted. The winning entry was “The Skye Boat Song” (Speed Bonnie Boat). I then to my embarrassment had to sing in front of the school assembly.

I was then forwarded for the next competition and I was the runner up for the Leng Medal (local competition). Another close friend (at the time) won the competition. She was also a very talented singer.

At High School, I was told

“You have the voice of an angel but please don’t take up the drums” (imagine being described by your music teacher as “playing the trash cans”… probably accurate, as I was terrible at the drums. It evokes some imagery of animal from the muppets or grouch from Sesame Street). Not many lines in my school reports stand out but that certainly made me giggle (when I re-read it).

My daughter is better at drumming, and to my horror, playing Donkey Kong’s jamboree challenge (Mario Party) – where you stand in a conga line and have to tap in tune with the rhythm of the bongo drums. Sigh. You cannot be great at everything. Something I remind her when she gets frustrated.

Anyway I digress. I stopped singing in public for years. I probably should have listened and joined the school choir but I was put off by the music teacher’s comments. They were at the time a little harsh but fair.

I did Home Economics instead of the subjects I was good at – music and art. You sometimes follow the crowd … it never fully engaged me. I try to encourage my daughter to do what she loves.

Music and art have always calmed me. Listening to classical music since I was a child helped me study, write and learn how to relax. I even left it on the radio for my dog. She loved falling asleep to Classic FM (true story and long before the special fireworks dog sessions).

Dancing is an art. It’s also great exercise.

Even though I no longer competed or was scrutinised by scary examiners I always enjoyed social dancing or Jazzercise.

Adulthood experience.

Ballroom and Swing Dancing:

I joined two dancing societies the year I was in Durham. Short chapter of academic career. I enjoyed learning three new styles of dancing. My heart belonged to Swing – learning Lindy Hop was my all time favourite experience. I love the style (vintage dresses – oh yes – and Mary Jane shoes and who doesn’t like a bit of Glenn Miller). I remember when I was learning to do swing dancing my shoes were ruined. Buy cheap pay twice.

I was given advice to try converse and yes the person was right – comfortable and durable for dancing. When I left Durham I hung up my dance shoes once again. I did it for a short while in Edinburgh (with converse, thanks helpful American)…but pressure of PhD meant I could not fully commit to getting to classes in time or giving it my full attention. I would love to try Swing Dancing again one day. Chronic health issues have held me back from dancing.

Drama Society and Vocal Society:

“Let’s do the time warp”, as a PhD student in first year I lived on campus and was able to attend drama classes. I loved this society. The team were amazing. I initially volunteered to do stage props and makeup for the amateur (but wonderful) performers. I built some confidence and auditioned for a part in the second semester with a role of singing and dancing to (drum roll) : Let’s do the Time Warp…again! The play was a cross between the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Frankenstein (it worked well and was well received by the students).

Drama Times – Costume

Vocal Society was great fun. It was a couple of hours (a Thursday evening) in a lecture theatre and was a group of students who loved to sing. I did this in my third year of the PhD (and for a while writing up) as it was great to meet people and sing together. Singing really is good for the soul.

It was a non competitive environment with a mixture of musical theatre songs, power ballads and film and tv music. It was just what I needed to destress after a day of long teaching or writing.

We did a couple of shows for our peers. No pressure to sing if you didn’t want to do a solo piece. I sang Journey (a nod to my Durham time) Keep on Believing and Just a Spoonful of Sugar… (Mary Poppins – my favourite Disney film as a small child).

Analysis:

Life through a microscope.

Science Experiments at school, university and PhD:

Raised by two scientists (Physics teacher and nurse), I was fascinated by science and microscopes from a young age. Always curious and wanting to know more about science, life and the universe.

I remember having to look at plant cells under a microscope and thinking wow this is amazing. I want to learn more about microscopes (and biology). Growing up being curious… and a natural researcher I always looked up more in books and encyclopaedias. We didn’t have access to as many web resources when I was a young student. The library was our fountain of knowledge.

In undergraduate studies, I analysed rocks through a microscope looking at the mineral composition (sorry geek post) and got very excited. My brother often joked about buying me a rock polisher and my poor mother had to put up with many rock samples on my shelf.

I then thought – why not do a detailed study on this, so my love of glaciers was born (with rocks of course) and I mapped the debris types on an Italian Alpine glacier. My dissertation supervisor suggested I look at the spectral (light) properties of minerals and I used a spectroradiometer (credit to NERC) to do this.

Field work and Laboratory research. Gneiss used for an example of typical spectral reflectance.

I had to take many rock samples home for research. I had to arrange for separate luggage for this purpose and it cost about £95 (which in 2007 was a lot of money for a student) to send home.

My health took another funny turn when I was here. I left the alps earlier than expected as I was meant to stay for a month. I left a week and a half earlier than anticipated. I was suffering from exhaustion/ fatigue and pain. I had also lost nearly a stone in 3 weeks. Not in the healthiest state, I went back to the GP for tests. Tests – inconclusive. Nearly dropped out of university but was determined to finish.

In the Alps- cannot find one without this hat. #disney #rocks

Pathway leading to Miage glacier (bottom of slope)

Gneiss close up – just because! Look at the beautiful banding.

Blackford Pond – Edinburgh

Although not glacier related, I took this love of microscopes one step further during my PhD and looked at algae and diatoms under a microscope. A simple drop of water / puddle can tell us so much about water quality and stress in the natural environment. This time I used a microscope which could photograph algae. Super exciting – Zeiss Axiophot. Only allowed to access for a limited time as in the nearby biology/ life sciences department (and I was in engineering). It was helpful to collaborate and use specialist equipment (as I had learned about during my week course at NHM London).

Diatoms photographed.

Diatoms are beautiful. These microscopic algae can tell us a lot about water quality (turbidity, pH, conductivity,heavy metals, nutrient enrichment) . I won’t delve too much into the PhD here (as not function of this blog). Essentially I compared the conditions between inlet and outlet of SuDS ponds to show how well these performed in relation to engineering design criteria (CIRIA c753 SuDS Manual).

Diatomists such as Martyn Kelly write very informative blogs, if you are interested. I met him on a freshwater ecology course and subscribed to his blog/ newsletters. He is very knowledgeable and worked on the Diatom Trophic Index UK standard for rivers.

Medical Analysis.

Blood tests biopsies and diagnostic testing:

Anyone with a chronic condition/ illlness also lives life through a lens. A medical lens. Countless blood tests, scans and biopsies. Often inconclusive. Some with relevant specialists and others in unrelated fields/ departments.

The pressures of being scrutinised in this way to find an answer/ diagnosis is exhausting! Especially when you are in constant pain and spend your life at the GP or in AandE.

I was finally relieved to receive a diagnosis in 2022 (see welcome blog) of #endometriosis and #adenomyosis. This has made my life easier and I can have an explanation for my symptoms. It is known as an invisible disease for a reason.

Today I found out:

After my last surgery, no malignancy was found and I am very thankful (although now in surgical menopause that there is hope for me). There is hope for you too. Speak up if something doesn’t feel right.

Thanks to the supportive community for your interest in my story so far.

Blog Inspiration.

Music: Angels by Robbie Williams. One of my favourites. He dedicated this song to his mum, and I too would dedicate this to my mother. Never a day I don’t think about you.

Nature: The rain. Hearing the rain on the roof and windows has been so beautiful this week. Needed after a long period of sunshine.

Book: Self Help / Mental Health: Why has Nobody told me this before, Dr Julie Smith

Wellness: Headspace App – great for recovery and mindfulness. I am enjoying the sleep casts – especially if I waken up with pain. Helps soothe me back to sleep.

Recommendations:

Beauty: Vitamin C based cleansing products – Soap and Glory. Available in Boots. Top tip look out for £10 Tuesday as often great deals on bundles…and occasionally gift sets.

Neom – daily shower body scrub (mint scented) – makes you feel a million dollars and ready for anything.

Food: Bananas. Great morning pick up.

#NOMO chocolate treats. Needed for recovery. Cookie Dough bars and bunnies (from Easter). Part of self care.

Avocado – like marmite you either love or hate it. I find eating avocado helps with energy and mental performance at work. Better than a sugary snack/ too much caffeine.

TV: I watched Race Across the World this week (this series is China and India). Highly recommend to those in the UK.

Summary:

I am an #endometriosiswarrior and an #adenomyosiswarrior💜.

Let’s raise awareness and compassion for all women afflicted by these diseases. The struggles are real but I hope to bring you some #NewJoy by sharing my story. I challenge you to think of what makes you happy in life and keep being #strongwomen especially if you have entered a transition phase of your life. This is even more important as I watch my own daughter grow up and hope she does not suffer the same issues I faced.

In summary,

#believeinyourself❤️ #loveyourbody and #bekind 🤗😊❤️‍🩹

Take care of yourself.

If you like this blog, please read and share. Subscribe if you have WordPress or follow me on Instagram- Joy_Kean86
Footprints in the sand

9th June 2025

Footprints footprints,

thank you mum for holding my hand, as we journeyed across the sand.

Often armed with a bucket and spade, and

now I cherish all of the memories we made, as you helped me paddle and wade.

Collecting shells,

remembering their salty smell,

and listening to the sound of the waves as they spray;

Watching our castles wash away,

it’s ok you say as we can build another day.

One day I returned to the beach to say goodbye;

and on that day I could not help but cry…

as you slowly drifted away;

but forever our memories will stay.

Footprints…

Never again in the sand.
A-Z of Parenting

8th June 2025

Apples. Fruit and vegetables. Anyone with a toddler “Fruits and Vegetables keep us alive, always remember to eat your five” (Peppa Pig: Super potato)

Encourage a healthy/ balanced diet.

They only want chocolate. I refer to a day where I had to catch an early train and he had a battle feeding her. Do you want toast?- no! Coco pops? – no! Well what would you like in your breakfast bowl? I want chocolate!

Bluey. This lovable dog and her friends seems to be a favourite in this household.

My daughter is Bluey obsessed. She even says her Nana loves it.

Her favourite to play with Nana.

Comforters. Greatest thing especially for babies and toddlers.

Dummy. Dare I utter these words.

If you can avoid it/ at least get rid of ahead of age 2 I would say do so. Hard to get rid of. She only uses at nights but even still I worry about her teeth.

Energy. Eat well and drink plenty of water. Do not drink too much caffeine. You now need to sleep as well/ as often as you can.

Friendships. Encourage them to play with other children and not be shy outside of nursery. We took a step forward this weekend and she played with a girl she was friends with.

Goombas. Yes super Mario has brought us together. She loves playing video games (in moderation of course). One favourite is Goomba Island on Mario Party (Golden Goombas please!).

Mario and Yoshi

Hair. Encourage them to have independence to brush and style their hair. Our daughter wears too many bows but you embrace it. Gets you out of the house quicker for your train!

Ice lollies. Great for teething. Reduces dependence on other sugary snacks.

Joy. Find the joy in your play time together. Be creative. We like doing arts and crafts. Helps me unwind too!

Some of the many pictures we have created. Craft Fridays are the best!

Kites. Let’s go fly a kite.

Love. Always show them love and they will grow to love and respect you. Never go to bed cross with each other.

Me my, mine … (fill in the blank). Encourage them to share especially if no other siblings.

Muslins. You need many of these. Great for babies (feeding/ swaddling/ cooling down ) and toddlers (cold compresses/ vomit guards on the way to AandE).

No. Most parents find it hard to say no. Set boundaries early (sleeping) and establish a routine.

Oranges. Great source of vitamin C.

Play. Play and laugh often. Outside play.

Quiet time. We try to do this ahead of dinner, bath and bedtime. Puzzles and less exciting music works well. Until they decide I don’t want that anymore?!

CBeebies Bedtime Stories are a great alternative.

Remember. Your child remembers everything you have promised. Keep your promises – even if it is washing their favourite dress.

Rainbows – I love a nice rainbow. A sign of hope.

South Queensferry (2017) Engagement photo day.

Socks. You find odd socks everywhere. Great for puppet friends too.

Tea. Have a mindful cup of tea when you can, you deserve it. It can be hard work. Everyday is a school day.

Understand their needs. Makes a happier household. Listen and be supportive.

Victory! Celebrate the small wins together. Even if it’s as simple as they managed to tidy their room. Positive reinforcement goes a long way!

Wellies. Perfect for nature walks, outdoor adventures and jumping in puddles. Fun / cute wellies preferred, as it encourages them to wear them.

X…marks the spot. Encourage role play and creativity through games like pirate ships, princesses and families. Also pop up pirate game – classic children’s toy (highly recommend).

Yes. Remember to say yes to promote positivity.

Zzzz. Make sure you get plenty of sleep.

Be kind to yourself. It’s like a second career being a parent. I sometimes like going to work for a break, and an uninterrupted cup of tea/ coffee. Life’s simple pleasures!

In summary,

#believeinyourself❤️ #loveyourbody and #bekind 🤗😊❤️‍🩹

Take care of yourself and subscribe or follow me on Instagram – Joy_Kean86.
Good Life

8th June 2025

What are the most important things needed to live a good life?

Positive attitude to life.

We all face adversity. It’s how we respond to this and adapt as humans. The need to be more resilient.

Gratitude.

Be grateful for what you have and practice this daily.

Nature.

Nature is a very healing influence for me. It is important to appreciate the little things in life.

Horses on a beach – Isle of Lewis.

Collage of some nature.

Love.

Love and self care.

Have a mindful cup of tea or coffee.

You have to love what you do.

Treat others with the kindness and respect you expect. More likely to repay.

Love Sculpture – New York City

Peace and Harmony.

World peace would be awesome. Sadly we are far away from this.
Little Sunflower:

8th June 2025

Dedicated to my daughter. Usually the sunshine in the house (always full of positive energy and a kind soul).

This poem is written to express my love for her and thank her for her patience.

Little Sunflower:

Sunflower.

Oh little sunflower how I have watched you grow;

We have more love for you than you will ever know;

Please don’t feel small;

You have the greatest power of all;

Continue to be kind;

You will have a happy mind.

…..

Sunflower sunflower…

Oh little one,

As I watch you grow;

You will never know

how proud we are of you;

Your love and kindness shines through,

in everything you do.

Please never feel small and if you fall; remember you are loved by all.

….

As you grow and sway towards the light; fight with all your might;

If the light dims, do not worry, mummy will be there to make it alright.

We will always love you our little sunflower.

You have the ultimate gift and superpower.

Change the world one day at a time.

By bringing your smile as you climb.

Oh little sunflower you are always Baby Mine.
Be comfortable in your own skin

5th June 2025

Fashion article attempt 1.

As a mummy (with health issues) to a young daughter it is important to dress comfortably on flare days. Some of the photographs were taken before baby L.

Comfortable dresses/ baggy shirts/ and leggings styled with comfortable shoes are important when you suffer from #endometriosis or #adenomyosis.

Dresses:

One of my favourite brands is Joules. They cater to all sizes, styles and occasions.

Comfortable shoes:

Three of my favourites:

Converse. I cannot live without them. I love that they come in so many colours and styles.

First white pair of converse. Old photo.

My Hunter wellington boots are great for walks with our daughter and also we live in Scotland (rainy days). Can worn with dresses for festival days in Edinburgh (always rains in August) . or with casual clothes for a day in the park or at a beach. I am on my third pair in 12 years (although I must express these are not off my feet in autumn- winter).

St Andrews beach – Hunter Wellingtons (2020)- Baby L in tummy.

Ugg boots. The staple for any flare wardrobe. Easy to slip on and warm.

Inspired by Joules (striped Tshirt dress), White Stuff (jump suit), Oliver Bonas (leopard print dress).

I also like to dress to impress on my non flare days:

Top Tips:

1. I tend to buy dresses or outfits which can be worn in any situation.

Buy timeless classics (so you don’t need to replace often) including Ted Baker, All Saints and Ralph Lauren. (Never bought at full price – my husband is great at finding bargains).

Wear outfits you can change your shoes with on a long day (again – converse or flat shoes- especially if running for a late train home)

2. Wear what makes you look and feel good.

Be yourself and love your body.

If you don’t like how something looks do not buy it (even if other people like it), a life lesson: it will sit in your wardrobe and never be worn. Waste of money, space (in your precious wardrobe) and effort. You then need to donate it or sell it.

The same goes for shoes… do not buy cheap shoes- these will hurt your feet! You will end up spending more money in the long run (not sustainable).

Be an individual.

Don’t always follow the crowd. Something we do as teenagers is try and wear the same clothes. As a surly goth, we all wore black and purple clothes. Not very exciting. I tried to make my outfit look more appealing with rainbow coloured T-shirts and knee high socks with my Doc Martens.

Buy, rinse, repeat:

I bought a few dresses from Quiz Clothing as a student. The floral / 50s style dress I still have. Been to many special occasions and trips away. I bought it 9 years ago for a friend’s wedding.

Sophisticated styles don’t have to be tight fitting. They should be long lasting

This floral dress has received so many compliments. It fits well and bonus points hides swelling well.

Picture – Wedding in Cork County. Quiz Clothing.

The same goes for brands like Ted Baker (RIP). I have a wide selection of dresses and these will never go out of fashion and are perfect for any special occasion or date night.

Ted Baker from Head to Toe. Date night.

3 Shop to suit budgets (obviously)… I don’t believe in wracking up huge bills. Act sensibly.

I tend to buy from sales – John Lewis – always has amazing deals and suits all budgets.

Another tip is look on Brandalley and shop in Outlets. Most big name retailers have Outlets either in shopping centres or online.

Give clothing a new home – swap with friends or donate to charity. If you need some extra money try sites like Vinted. My friend swears by this site.

But if you see a timeless piece in the sale – and can afford it- grab it. I have had my pink Allsaints leather jacket for 5 years (bought for more than half price in 2020). For reference my husband has had his black one for 11 years and it shows no sign of aging.

Life lesson: Buy Cheap pay Twice.

4. Vintage clothing/ styles

Anyone who knows me well knows I love vintage styles. Who doesn’t enjoy polka dots? Yumi Clothing and Mela London are great for vintage styles at a fraction of the price. You can of course go to vintage clothing sites online. I find that you need to know exact measurements for these but if you need an outfit for a wedding it is worth investigating made to measure dresses.

Bought in 2016 – Yumi dress. Great for date nights and dinner with the girls.

Gifted 2023. Midi length Albaray Dress. Perfect for work wear (flare up days) and days out.

5. Boots boots boots.

You cannot go wrong with a good pair of boots. The grey ones in the picture collage above are branded Miss KG (but bought for a steal on Shoeaholics). These were bought for the Honeymoon.

Buy from brands you trust (less likely to need a quick replacement). I have some pairs of boots in my wardrobe which are 10 -12 years old. For reference Kurt Geiger , Dune and Ted Baker make boots to last. Avoid need for #fastfashion.

Boots come in all shapes and styles. I have goth inspired boots by Steve Madden (Laurie Style and Black) which are great for a city break (recently worn in London this year) and with chunky heels. Reminder of my teenage years. Looks great with anything from skirts to leggings and shorts.

Picture Credit to John Lewis. Not fit to wear just now.

I also own white Cowgirl and #Swifty inspired boots by Steve Madden again. I love these boots. Look great with summer dresses and skirts. I embraced this style in the 00’s and glad she made them awesome again.

More on Boots another day – when I can wear them again. Another blog post.

6. Office wear – buy simple classics.

Lace and Tweed:

Lace shirts with tweed skirts or suit trousers. The red shirt above is versatile and stylish for office. Again, if I wanted, could be worn with jeans.

Blazers.

I love a good blazer. Search for Lipsy or on Next Outlet for some bargains.

Suits.

If the situation is right wear a suit. I had many suit pieces pre lockdown. I just wear suit trousers with a blazer now (our outlook on work wear has changed- more relaxed)

As a hybrid worker, I have a few statement outfits which I rotate. Saves money and more sustainable.

7. Hairstyles

Again let your hairstyle finish off your outfit. Don’t feel guilty or pressured to have perfect hair everyday (and if you’re tired use dry shampoo and put up- simple solution).

Today – natural curls and relaxed style. Finished off with Fable Hairband. Hiding pain behind smile.

In summary,

Key message: only buy and wear what you feel comfortable in. There is no point in buying an outfit to wear once. Build your wardrobe with key statement pieces.

#believeinyourself❤️ #loveyourbody and #bekind 🤗😊❤️‍🩹

Take care until next time.

If you like this blog, please read and share. Subscribe for more content and follow on Instagram -Joy_Kean86 🌻
Dream Chocolate Bar…

5th June 2025

Describe your dream chocolate bar.

So I have allergies to milk, soya and gluten based foods.

I love the taste of #NOMOChocolate. I also find the free from Sainsbury’s chocolate suitable for my needs (and quite tasty. Certainly less like chalk than some others).

Describing a dream chocolate bar…🍫

If I could invent a dairy/ gluten/ soya free alternative to Galaxy (but mint flavoured). It would have to be a cross between aero mint bars and galaxy caramel (no caramel), with a soft mint fondant centre similar to Fry’s crème.
Childhood Favourites

4th June 2025

Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?

I can name lots of books I read but my top three are:

Wizard of Oz – Frank Baum

Winnie the Pooh – A.A Milne

Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
Love and Self Care

3rd June 2025
Hi, I am Joy. I decided to write this blog to raise awareness of living with chronic pain and how to keep upbeat in even the darkest/ loneliest days.

This blog piece will focus on love and self care.

As a little girl I was fascinated with princesses but little did I know I was Cinderella. I was also controlled by an ugly step sister. That ugly sister is adenomyosis (linked with previous welcome blog). The irony is I dressed up and believed I was like Cinderella (waiting on a Prince to rescue me…). Much like most young girls. I really wanted a fairytale wedding and happy ever after.

As my favourite princess she inspired my wedding dress and hair style. Even adorned by a tiara and sparkling veil. (No pumpkins or carriages in this loch side fairytale. Just a wonderful vintage car. )

The saying is that rain is lucky on a wedding day.

Being helped into my wedding car (2019)

I will forgive you for not knowing what adenomyosis is. I was not aware of its existence until I was diagnosed in 2022.

My initial thoughts? What does the surgeon mean and how is it worse than endometriosis for me? To me endometriosis was crippling enough. How can I have two reproductive conditions?

It eventually made sense though (once I researched it), as for years I was told the bleeding and clotting was just a bad period. It was normalised and controlled by contraceptives/ hormone treatments for years. Even after a difficult and somewhat complicated pregnancy/ delivery. This time nothing worked to control the bleeding or pain… even the IuS Mirena Coil had limited effect.

It’s not just a bad period , I want to say this is a myth (encourage you to challenge this) and explain what the specialists mean by adenomyosis…

Endometriosis UK describes Adenomyosis as a condition where:

cells similar to the ones in the lining of the womb grow within the muscle of the womb wall. The condition also responds to the hormones in the menstrual cycle and affects 10% of women and those assigned female at birth. You can have only endometriosis or adenomyosis, although it’s quite common to have both.

It sadly brings a lot of painful and distressing symptoms and can influence your mental health. More like a nightmare than a fairytale ending.

Credit to Pelvic Rehabilitation for the following information on key symptoms

Pelvic Rehabilitation – Symptoms 1

Pelvic Rehabilitation- Symptoms 2

It is shocking but according to Endometriosis UK – 77% of people have not heard of this condition (inclusive of some medical experts). Worrying when like endometriosis, it is estimated 1in10 suffer from this. It’s time to raise awareness and please speak up if you suffer from any of the symptoms (Consult a medical professional and don’t suffer in silence)

As a member of Endometriosis UK, I plan to support this charity more once I have recovered. It starts with small steps but I am very passionate about helping others with their journeys. #weareinthistogether.

Credit – Endometriosis UK – campaign for Adenomyosis (2025)

Love conquers all:

On to love, and how this connects with my story (and many of yours):

It is a difficult discovery when you plan on starting or expanding your family. To be honest, I made my husband aware that it may not happen for us. We were very blessed and baby L truly was a miracle.

I still grieved not having more children but I understand why and do not want to seem ungrateful (because I am not).

Love is wonderful when it happens. For me, the last 4.5 years have been a difficult phase / chapter and without support from my husband and close friends I would be lost… Certainly not one I am willing to relive. I am not one to speak up (usually very private person) so it matters to me to disclose this.

He is our rock and the best friend a girl could ask for. Supported me through the good and bad times. Been a lot of sad times recently but after every storm comes a rainbow.

Our daughter is our rainbow- a breath of fresh air and brightens everyone’s day/ always helpful and kind (not my words but her nursery reports). It was a different kind of love I felt (hard to explain) when she was born. I also see my mother in her (same hair colour and eyes) and she has the same stare when she is deep in thought. Lovely.

I was always taught to believe in romance and for me (as I was from a large family), I thought there was an expectation to have lots of children. Although my story was different, and I could only have one, so I turned back to my second love nature.

Nature:

Nature has always been a strong source of inspiration and healing. You really cannot deny the healing and restorative power of a walk in the park, forest or local nature reserve. It helps release the happy hormones (endorphins) and reduce cortisol (stress hormones). Disclaimer – not a medical expert. I just know this to be so from my own research experience on the multiple benefits of nature. Green prescription methods are just as effective for mental wellbeing.

I used to love running (hopefully get back to this as my stamina recovers) during the PhD , as it helped improve my creativity and reduce stress. This was particularly the case after a long day of teaching or field work (the need to unwind before bed). Research can be a stressful (especially if experiments do not go to plan or you have an unexpected issue with field work) and very competitive environment. Most researchers thrive in these conditions. I decided to work in the water industry after my PhD for a different pace and stability. I love using the knowledge and skills I gained to mentor others (maybe focus for another blog).

As part of my recovery I will be spending more time in nature (once I can walk more). HOWEVER, even in my home I am surrounded by the beauty and magic of nature. I am blessed to live next to a pond which has multiple benefits (thesis focused on this) , and has helped raise my spirits considerably.

Look at this image captured from our bedroom window and these swans are clearly in love. Swans are symbolic of beauty, purity and strength. (I would not like to fight/ challenge a swan).

It’s more difficult (to avoid aggression on walks) at this time of year as they are exploring potential sites for breeding. It’s lovely to see cygnets and new life in spring. Just need to be cautious and respect their presence. Easier said than done as they quite often sit on the driveway or chap the door (true story – when I was doing into hospital to give birth, my husband had to check and allow the swans to clear out of the way). As I write this the new cygnets have emerged from their mummy’s nest.

Amorous Swans- view from window (2025)

Swan proudly protecting her nest. (2025)

Swans just outside of the house! May (2021)

Road to Recovery:

This week, I managed a short walk, with our daughter, to our local park. The healing power of Nature cannot be underestimated. I also managed to walk around our garden and watch her play happily with her garden toys.

Little steps towards recovery.

. #celebratethesmallwins. Advice I give to early career professionals and truly believe this. I was mentored (early career) by an amazing project manager and taught the value of appreciating the simple things in life. This has been more important since lockdown. Nothing in my mind is insignificant and we should be grateful for our family, health and happiness. Focus on the happy memories.

Gratitude is its own reward. I am grateful for having nature on my doorstep and teaching our daughter about nature. Be grateful every day and think of how this benefits others (as your mood improves and outlook becomes more positive). I challenge you to think of 5 things that you are grateful for. My current things are:
1. My family – my life line
2. Friends – I hope they know this.
3. Health – thanks to the surgeons/ medical experts.
4. Nature – always loved water and environment.
5. Career and connections – past and present.
Love is all you need. The Beatles were on to something there. Love yourself and treat yourself the way you want and deserve to be treated. It will really lift you up on dark / lonely days. If show yourself compassion then others are likely to. Self care is more important when you suffer from chronic pain and this last three – four years I have really had to learn to pace myself. I am not exactly one to sit and do nothing… but I have learned to say no and pace myself better.

Over to you:

So please think of three things to help show yourself love?

It could be as simple as going to bed earlier at night, having a bath or pamper session , or simply taking five minutes to have a mindful cup of tea.

All acts of kindness to yourself (no matter how big or small) should make you feel happier , restored ,and enable you to give more time to those you love. It also gives you the time you need to be by yourself and focus on what matters to you.

Be proud of yourself – #celebratethesmallwins

Blog Inspiration

Disney: Story of Cinderella. I love the magic of Disney. It started with a mouse and Walt built a successful business empire.

Book: Winnie the Pooh’s Little Book of Wisdom (a previous gift from my brother and sister in law). I love Winnie the Pooh. This book is a must have for Pooh fans and anyone who appreciates Disney.

Credit: Winnie the Pooh’s Little Book of Wisdom: Wise Words from a Bear of Very Little Brain: Egmont (2016)

Nature: Beauty of Trees. Spring is wonderful. I love watching the new petals and leaves grow after winter.

Fashion: Still comfort clothes (more on lifestyle and fashion after recovery).

I did dig out an old Oliver Bonas animal print dress today which I paired with simple mint velvet leggings. Love this dress. It can be dressed up (boots/ heels) or worn as part of a casual outfit (converse – a mummy staple).

I was surprised given the swelling it fitted (as it did not look great before surgery- endo belly anyone? Bloating and pain – ouch)

Music: The Power of Love – Huey Lewis. Highly recommend the Back to the Future trilogy and theatre show. Dedicated to my wonderful husband and best friend.

Recommendations / tips

Focus on self care

Beauty:

Kiel’s Body Butter – gift for birthday last year, it is great to restore moisture in dry skin (especially after wearing Anti Embolism Stockings).

Revolution – bright eye (vitamin c) concealer. A must for anyone who is needing to look fresh and to look less sleep deprived. Panda eyes anyone?

Wellness: Restorative power of nature

Mindfulness exercise: Grounding techniques (NHS, Calm). Excellent to focus on the present moment and your breathing. It calms your mind in overwhelming situations.

Creative: Learning new skills. Tried to make an origami duck (not as easy as I thought, more practice needed). Inspired by Nature Origami – Clover Robin (National Trust Book)

Book Recommendations for this blog. The origami is calming. I like it. Good fun!

Origami attempt 1- Duck.

Origami attempt 2 – Owl

Summary:

I am an #endometriosiswarrior and an #adenomyosiswarrior💜.

Let’s raise awareness and compassion for all women afflicted by these diseases. The struggles are real but I hope to bring you some #NewJoy by sharing my story. I challenge you to think of what makes you happy in life and keep being #strongwomen especially if you have entered a transition phase of your life. This is even more important as I watch my own daughter grow up and hope she does not suffer the same issues I faced.

In summary,

#believeinyourself❤️ #loveyourbody and #bekind 🤗😊❤️‍🩹

Until next time, take care of yourself and learn to show yourself compassion. Practice gratitude daily and you too will reap the benefits.

If you like this please follow my blog or follow me on Instagram – Joy_Kean86.
Sunflower Diaries

29th May 2025

Written to inspire other women with their journey.

Welcome to Sunflower Diaries.

About me:

Hi, I am Joy. I decided to write this blog to raise awareness of living with chronic pain and how to keep upbeat in even the darkest/ loneliest days.

I am a mother to one wonderful daughter and a wife to a very supportive husband. I met my husband during our PhD journey (story for another blog/ reflections I am sure). I knew from the moment I met him that it was true love. Our research and personal interests aligned well which made it easier to communicate and grow together.

My love for him has grown stronger every day and more so since our daughter was born. He is an inspiration to fathers.

We knew we wanted a small family one day but did not realise the issues I had as a young woman/ teenager would impact our fertility journey and lives to the extent it now has.

So, I am 1 in 10%. I have endometriosis. There is no cure.

But to add complications I also had adenomyosis (more about this below as I document my health journey).

I have chosen the name sunflower diaries for my blog to symbolise endometriosis. The sunflower is synonymous with growth, vitality and positive energy. My hope is to inspire other women and raise awareness of this disease; as well as adding positivity to your life. Future blogs posts will focus on lifestyle, fashion (as a mummy), sustainability, nature and wellness tips.

Transition. #NewJoy –
Challenge find the new joy in your own life.

Health journey:

From a young age (age 11), I experienced heavy menstrual periods and debilitating pain, and embarrassing (or to a young woman) symptoms.

I dreaded the “time of the month” as it was filled with intense pain/ hormonal issues (yes imbalance causes mood swings) and a fear of leaving the house to avoid embarrassment. Needing to go home and get changed at lunchtime is never fun. Being afraid to use school/ public toilets.

As any young woman/ lady would know, this bleeding and fear is not normal and should never be normalised.

Some of my friends had very little pain or did not need to rely on emergency pain killers from a relatively young age. Sadly, a habit I have not yet stopped, I carry paracetamol (just in case) out and about and to work.

The pain worsened as my cycles progressed, and I was unable to think clearly (at points) which was not healthy as a teenager sitting exams. This made me feel hopeless and unable to advocate for myself-when I needed confidence in buckets to achieve my goals. My mother took me to the GP expressing concerns and I was told to go home and calm down/ use hot water bottles – it was probably anxiety. No one ever thought to ask me why I was feeling the way I did/ losing weight quickly/ feeling very light headed (only mid and end of my cycle).

I kept going back to the Dr/ GP for advice and support. My mother was again told she is probably depressed. I guess others in this position would feel the same (hopeless) as the pain was so bad at times I was vomiting and fainting/ near fainting (from blood loss). Even a routine blood test became a challenge.

In 2003, I even collapsed during my Gold Duke of Edinburgh expedition (I just laughed it off and said, it was probably the weight of the backpack). Unknowing to everyone the pain I was in – as I had “the time” climbing up Scotland’s munros. Looking back – I have no idea how I coped aside from an emergency red bull (my friend had stowed away) and a mars bar. After that I had the energy to bounce up the hill on the last day. Gaining the nickname “Tigger” from friends. I have always loved Pooh and friends, so it was a fair nickname.

Tigger at Disneyland Paris (2020)

I usually had boundless energy outside of those times of month (well as a teenager/ young adult). My husband would agree when he met me – he was like how and why do you have so much energy? The truth is I don’t know how I did it. A distraction from the pain I was suffering, perhaps?

The summer of 2004, I finished High School and before starting University, I had a short spell in the local Territorial Army (reserve in the medical corps), I was due to complete my initial training and attended a weekend course. It was at this point where I fainted (felt very embarrassed) at the passing out parade. One officer commented (and joked) you are not meant to take this parade literally.

The Dr was concerned and sent me home the next day, and said to investigate with my own GP.

I had various tests over the summer – all inconclusive. No reason for fainting. Must be anxiety. ‘Now I know Differently’ anxiety driven by high blood pressure and not low blood pressure and fainting. I was young and naive and felt anxiety was used to gloss the problem.

I was put on the contraceptive pill at age 18 which did not reduce the pain but did limit the bleeding. I kept going back and tried various hormonal treatments, but I was told I should change my diet as I was not getting diagnostic tests.

I was diagnosed / suspected to have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (common mis- diagnosis as many cross overs in symptoms) and told to eat mints/ chew gum and take “buscopan”.

I was still not convinced but told it was so…and was so low in confidence, at this point, so I thought ok I will see if it makes a difference. I also reduced dairy and ate healthier (low fodmap).

….

A few years later, after a stressful MSc year, I was experiencing exhaustion and kept falling asleep in the strangest places (including the lecture theatre and no the lecture was interesting). I was again advised to go to the Dr and get a blood test and see whether I needed other tests (as this happened during undergraduate and previous MSc). I thought “it’s fine”, I will go home and rest and resume studies in a few days.

I did. I had just started my dissertation and had an unexpected call from my GP who said I had anaemia. I was prescribed iron supplements and told to take contraceptive as usual.

I was told by GP during PhD to discontinue iron supplements.

Unfortunately I had an accident and ended up with post concussion migraines – meaning I had to change hormone treatment. Part of me was relieved as the bleeding and pain was exhausting…

I was given POP / Cerelle, to see if this limited my symptoms. The pain and bloating still persisted (allergies) but the bleeding was limited. I occasionally had spotting which I was told was usual on this pill… but in my mind I could live with the pain and bloating (as I was used to it) if I had no bleeding.

Sadly the chronic fatigue and exhaustion never stopped. This made it more difficult to pursue my PhD but my tenacious spirit helped with this. I was so determined to get it done and show myself what I was really capable of.

I continued along this course of treatment for several years until pregnancy and birthing my daughter.

Pregnancy was difficult (early threatened miscarriage, anaemia), bereavement (mother), and of course being in a global pandemic made everything 10 times more difficult. This was coupled with a series of delivery and post natal complications and gynaecology surgeries.

I am so grateful we have our daughter. I just wished I had been listened to at a young age/ although our outlook would probably have been different.

I feel truly blessed to have one daughter (intelligent, caring, and adventurous little girl) with my wonderful husband. I hope he realises how much we love him!

Diagnosis and Surgery:

I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis (and adenomyosis) in 2022. I was 36. That was 25 years after starting menstruation and 13 years after being diagnosed with “depression” and “anxiety”. The main source of my anxiety has been the uphill struggle of getting listened to. No one wants to be in pain… and I am so happy to now be listened to. Thanks to the surgeons and clinical experts involved. You are truly a credit to your profession.

Surgery History:

2022 – surgery one: age 36

Diagnostic laparoscopy/ hysteroscopy

Laser ablation and excision of endometriosis

Mirena Coil

Diagnosis (my golden ticket) – Endometriosis and Adenomyosis

2022- surgery two: age 36

Hysterectomy

Removal of fallopian tubes/ left ovary (and cyst) and cervix

2023- 2024- period of bad health resulting in gynaecological surgery number three. I tried other hormone treatments but pain became severe again. I even was prescribed the new Ryeqo. This was great to begin with but after 3 months my pain escalated. Clueless I went back for a second opinion – as I could barely walk.

Not most glamorous – post hysterectomy surgery (2022).

2025 – surgery three: age 39

Removal of right ovary

Excision of endometriosis

HRT – surgical menopause at 39 (best decision for me, my family and career).

Red flags to be aware of:

Not being listened to – key one for me. I was so thankful when I was listened to.

Change in conversation/ direction to other treatments.

Being told “it’s in your head”/ dismissive of pain/ severity of condition.

Constant abdominal and pelvic pain or other undiagnosed pain (watch out for nose bleeds and chest pain/ infections)

Bleeding

flooding clothes and bed clothes (not normal)

clot size and consistency (particularly post natal)

irregular bleeding or heavy spotting and pain mid cycle

Toilet troubles

Abdominal swelling or other swelling

Infection

Only being able to go to work and not socialise (been centre of many disagreements over years). I sadly lost on out on so many special occasions.

Chronic fatigue – yes it is real! If I need to rest or sleep, I am not hiding away.

Black outs – yes scary when it happens (even during exams).

Dizziness – part of low blood pressure

Nausea and vomiting

Fainting – can cause serious injury depending on where you collapse / if someone catches you.

Anaemia – can be managed with appropriate care and advice.

More on Endometriosis UK. Specialist and clinical advice and tips.

Blog Inspiration:

Nature: beauty of spring.

I live near a pond and it’s wonderful to hear the baby birds. Nature is very therapeutic for me. I have always been connected with nature and love showcasing its benefits. I even did a PhD blending engineering and ecology.

Swan – subtle nod to PhD and my mother

Music: recovery and soft music/ 80s and 90s power ballads

Mainly been listening to smooth radio (very calming music)

Song: She’s Like the Wind – Patrick Swayze (from my all time favourite film: Dirty Dancing)

Podcast: Good Vibes, Good Life – Vex King (also an amazing author – recently gifted his book)

Top Tips for recovery from surgery:

Beauty:

La Roche Posay – Thermal Water spray (amazing for hot flashes and to reduce skin irritation)

Palmers Cocoa Butter – for scars and stretch marks

Batiste Dry Shampoo – good to have in case you are too sore for a shower. Like me this morning.

Fashion:

Comfortable clothes have been key to recovery. You don’t want anything to rub/ accidentally tear your stitches.

Leggings / pyjama trousers.

Not been able to wear jeans or tight trousers for months. Looking forward to this in the coming months. So many woman will support me with this (the freedom to wear jeans is incredible).

Loose fitting T-Shirts or jersey dresses (personal favourite : Joules)

Mini Ugg boots – easy to slip on and can be worn inside and outside. Warm and cool at the same time. Provides more support for my feet. My previous ones were worn in pregnancy/ early motherhood (all the time).

Colourful / patterned socks. I have always liked nice socks and bright colours (cheer you up on darkest days). My mother taught me this and always bought the best Christmas socks (future blog).

Wear something that makes you smile (always). I was once given advice from my sister in law who said she always wore a nice piece of jewellery to cheer her up. Great advice.

I like Fable Jewellery (Butterfly necklace) which is featured in my recovery photograph. I also own duck and swan earrings as a subtle nod to my PhD.

Book:

The Signal and the Noise: The Art of Science and Prediction (Nate Silver).

Husband recommended a few statistical themed ones after I read all of my birthday books (wellness and mental health based).

Photos of the moment:

Recovery Photograph 1 (2025) -necklace by Fable. Phone case by Blanc Space.

Recommended Book guarded by plush duck (inherited). Now aptly named Granny Duck!

My older brothers on my wedding day – a very happy memory. March (2019). We have been through a lot since then and our relationship has grown stronger.

Puget Sound, Seattle – (2019)

My favourite photograph and lifetime inspiration. Your memory never fades. (2013)

Graduation in lockdown (2020) . Pregnant and happy.

A nod to our wonderful daughter Baby L (don’t share pictures of her/ privacy) – May (2021)

Pregnancy Journey – Early (2021) Dress credit Seraphine. Amazing maternity clothing.

Inspired by Joules and comfort. 1 week after surgery no 3 – (2025)

Artwork by my talented daughter – age 3 (2025)

My art work – age 38 (2025). Inspired by Nature and spring. Love our craft Fridays.

Day Job – urban drainage / modeller. Proudest career achievement since my daughter (2025). Photo – featuring Baby L in tummy on St Andrews Beach (2020)

Early days as a couple. Grounds of Heriot Watt. PhD – year 1 (2014). We met on day 1 and our love has grown stronger. 12 years this year.