Sunflower Diaries

Hi, I am Joy. I decided to write this blog to raise awareness of living with chronic pain and how to keep upbeat in even the darkest/ loneliest days.

This blog piece will focus on love and self care.

As a little girl I was fascinated with princesses but little did I know I was Cinderella. I was also controlled by an ugly step sister. That ugly sister is adenomyosis (linked with previous welcome blog). The irony is I dressed up and believed I was like Cinderella (waiting on a Prince to rescue me…). Much like most young girls. I really wanted a fairytale wedding and happy ever after.

As my favourite princess she inspired my wedding dress and hair style. Even adorned by a tiara and sparkling veil. (No pumpkins or carriages in this loch side fairytale. Just a wonderful vintage car. )

I will forgive you for not knowing what adenomyosis is. I was not aware of its existence until I was diagnosed in 2022.

My initial thoughts? What does the surgeon mean and how is it worse than endometriosis for me? To me endometriosis was crippling enough. How can I have two reproductive conditions?

It eventually made sense though (once I researched it), as for years I was told the bleeding and clotting was just a bad period. It was normalised and controlled by contraceptives/ hormone treatments for years. Even after a difficult and somewhat complicated pregnancy/ delivery. This time nothing worked to control the bleeding or pain… even the IuS Mirena Coil had limited effect.

It’s not just a bad period , I want to say this is a myth (encourage you to challenge this) and explain what the specialists mean by adenomyosis…

Endometriosis UK describes Adenomyosis as a condition where:

cells similar to the ones in the lining of the womb grow within the muscle of the womb wall.  The condition also responds to the hormones in the menstrual cycle and affects 10% of women and those assigned female at birth. You can have only endometriosis or adenomyosis, although it’s quite common to have both. 

It sadly brings a lot of painful and distressing symptoms and can influence your mental health. More like a nightmare than a fairytale ending.

Credit to Pelvic Rehabilitation for the following information on key symptoms

It is shocking but according to Endometriosis UK – 77% of people have not heard of this condition (inclusive of some medical experts). Worrying when like endometriosis, it is estimated 1in10 suffer from this. It’s time to raise awareness and please speak up if you suffer from any of the symptoms (Consult a medical professional and don’t suffer in silence)

As a member of Endometriosis UK, I plan to support this charity more once I have recovered. It starts with small steps but I am very passionate about helping others with their journeys. #weareinthistogether.

Love conquers all:

On to love, and how this connects with my story (and many of yours):

It is a difficult discovery when you plan on starting or expanding your family. To be honest, I made my husband aware that it may not happen for us. We were very blessed and baby L truly was a miracle.

I still grieved not having more children but I understand why and do not want to seem ungrateful (because I am not).

Love is wonderful when it happens. For me, the last 4.5 years have been a difficult phase / chapter and without support from my husband and close friends I would be lost… Certainly not one I am willing to relive. I am not one to speak up (usually very private person) so it matters to me to disclose this.

He is our rock and the best friend a girl could ask for. Supported me through the good and bad times. Been a lot of sad times recently but after every storm comes a rainbow.

Our daughter is our rainbow- a breath of fresh air and brightens everyone’s day/ always helpful and kind (not my words but her nursery reports). It was a different kind of love I felt (hard to explain) when she was born. I also see my mother in her (same hair colour and eyes) and she has the same stare when she is deep in thought. Lovely.

I was always taught to believe in romance and for me (as I was from a large family), I thought there was an expectation to have lots of children. Although my story was different, and I could only have one, so I turned back to my second love nature.

Nature:

Nature has always been a strong source of inspiration and healing. You really cannot deny the healing and restorative power of a walk in the park, forest or local nature reserve. It helps release the happy hormones (endorphins) and reduce cortisol (stress hormones). Disclaimer – not a medical expert. I just know this to be so from my own research experience on the multiple benefits of nature. Green prescription methods are just as effective for mental wellbeing.

I used to love running (hopefully get back to this as my stamina recovers) during the PhD , as it helped improve my creativity and reduce stress. This was particularly the case after a long day of teaching or field work (the need to unwind before bed). Research can be a stressful (especially if experiments do not go to plan or you have an unexpected issue with field work) and very competitive environment. Most researchers thrive in these conditions. I decided to work in the water industry after my PhD for a different pace and stability. I love using the knowledge and skills I gained to mentor others (maybe focus for another blog).

As part of my recovery I will be spending more time in nature (once I can walk more). HOWEVER, even in my home I am surrounded by the beauty and magic of nature. I am blessed to live next to a pond which has multiple benefits (thesis focused on this) , and has helped raise my spirits considerably.

Look at this image captured from our bedroom window and these swans are clearly in love. Swans are symbolic of beauty, purity and strength. (I would not like to fight/ challenge a swan).

It’s more difficult (to avoid aggression on walks) at this time of year as they are exploring potential sites for breeding. It’s lovely to see cygnets and new life in spring. Just need to be cautious and respect their presence. Easier said than done as they quite often sit on the driveway or chap the door (true story – when I was doing into hospital to give birth, my husband had to check and allow the swans to clear out of the way). As I write this the new cygnets have emerged from their mummy’s nest.

Road to Recovery:

This week, I managed a short walk, with our daughter, to our local park. The healing power of Nature cannot be underestimated. I also managed to walk around our garden and watch her play happily with her garden toys.

Little steps towards recovery.

. #celebratethesmallwins. Advice I give to early career professionals and truly believe this. I was mentored (early career) by an amazing project manager and taught the value of appreciating the simple things in life. This has been more important since lockdown. Nothing in my mind is insignificant and we should be grateful for our family, health and happiness. Focus on the happy memories.

Gratitude is its own reward. I am grateful for having nature on my doorstep and teaching our daughter about nature. Be grateful every day and think of how this benefits others (as your mood improves and outlook becomes more positive). I challenge you to think of 5 things that you are grateful for. My current things are:

1. My family – my life line
2. Friends – I hope they know this.
3. Health – thanks to the surgeons/ medical experts.
4. Nature – always loved water and environment.
5. Career and connections – past and present.

Love is all you need. The Beatles were on to something there. Love yourself and treat yourself the way you want and deserve to be treated. It will really lift you up on dark / lonely days. If show yourself compassion then others are likely to. Self care is more important when you suffer from chronic pain and this last three – four years I have really had to learn to pace myself. I am not exactly one to sit and do nothing… but I have learned to say no and pace myself better.

Over to you:

So please think of three things to help show yourself love?

It could be as simple as going to bed earlier at night, having a bath or pamper session , or simply taking five minutes to have a mindful cup of tea.

All acts of kindness to yourself (no matter how big or small) should make you feel happier , restored ,and enable you to give more time to those you love. It also gives you the time you need to be by yourself and focus on what matters to you.

Blog Inspiration

Disney: Story of Cinderella. I love the magic of Disney. It started with a mouse and Walt built a successful business empire.

Book: Winnie the Pooh’s Little Book of Wisdom (a previous gift from my brother and sister in law). I love Winnie the Pooh. This book is a must have for Pooh fans and anyone who appreciates Disney.

Nature: Beauty of Trees. Spring is wonderful. I love watching the new petals and leaves grow after winter.

Fashion: Still comfort clothes (more on lifestyle and fashion after recovery).

I did dig out an old Oliver Bonas animal print dress today which I paired with simple mint velvet leggings. Love this dress. It can be dressed up (boots/ heels) or worn as part of a casual outfit (converse – a mummy staple).

I was surprised given the swelling it fitted (as it did not look great before surgery- endo belly anyone? Bloating and pain – ouch)

Music: The Power of Love – Huey Lewis. Highly recommend the Back to the Future trilogy and theatre show. Dedicated to my wonderful husband and best friend.

Recommendations / tips

Focus on self care

Beauty:

Kiel’s Body Butter – gift for birthday last year, it is great to restore moisture in dry skin (especially after wearing Anti Embolism Stockings).

Revolution – bright eye (vitamin c) concealer. A must for anyone who is needing to look fresh and to look less sleep deprived. Panda eyes anyone?

Wellness: Restorative power of nature

Mindfulness exercise: Grounding techniques (NHS, Calm). Excellent to focus on the present moment and your breathing. It calms your mind in overwhelming situations.

Creative: Learning new skills. Tried to make an origami duck (not as easy as I thought, more practice needed). Inspired by Nature Origami – Clover Robin (National Trust Book)

Summary:

I am an #endometriosiswarrior and an #adenomyosiswarrior💜. 

Let’s raise awareness and compassion for all women afflicted by these diseases. The struggles are real but I hope to bring you some #NewJoy by sharing my story. I challenge you to think of what makes you happy in life and keep being #strongwomen especially if you have entered a transition phase of your life. This is even more important as I watch my own daughter grow up and hope she does not suffer the same issues I faced. 

In summary, 

#believeinyourself❤️  #loveyourbody and #bekind 🤗😊❤️‍🩹 

Until next time, take care of yourself and learn to show yourself compassion. Practice gratitude daily and you too will reap the benefits.

If you like this please follow my blog or follow me on Instagram – Joy_Kean86.